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What motherly things make you feel all funny inside?
#1
I do not remember exactly how these feelings I have developed, only that they started when I was very young-Well before I started school. There are two things that I love, but that make me feel all funny inside, even at the thought of them.

The first is having your underwear held out for you to step into. Seeing the inside of them and imagining the feeling of them being pulled up makes me feel loved and cared about.

The second is a motherly hand on my bottom. Yes, even being spanked, but just having a hand there, like when I would be picked up, always felt like I was loved and protected.

I hope these feelings are not too weird? I am still not very accepting of my needs. My real mother you see was very violently abusive. So I have almost no experience of motherly love-Only what I got from other women.


I think my need for mothering comes from never having it when I was a child?

Patty
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#2
Patty, Weird? Hardly. I am so sorry you didn't get to experience a loving mother growing up. Your desires strike me as longing for what you never had, and yet you saw others who got the love and attention you craved.

Welcome to the forum as well. I hope you continue to post and share.

Kimmi
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#3
Those feelings are not weird at all, Patty. 'Weird' is only a word anyway. What's 'weird' to one is perfectly normal to another.

I'm sorry you never felt the love of a mother. As a child I was regularly spanked and/or made to wear knickers or a nappy. But I still felt loved. Even as my mother held out a pair of knickers for me to step into - I hated the thought of having to wear knickers, but I always felt my mother loved me even as she was making me put them on. And she regularly patted my bottom, especially when I had a nappy on. It was humiliating but kind of reassuring at the same time.
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#4
Thank you both very much Kimmi and Ali. I am very sorry for not replying sooner, but I was hurt iand ended up in hospital and then a nursing home. Great, just great - I make my very first post and before I can reply, I'm in hospital and can't access anything.

So I am really sorry, I must have come across as so rude after not thanking you both for your kindness in replying, and especially in the reassuring words about my difficulty in accepting myself for what I am.

I don't feel like fish nor fowl. I don't even know what I am? It's been a bad life, so part of me feels to be very old, while some of me is trapped at a pre-school age - Because that is when the horrific beatings began from my parents. So for me, I think I am trying to find a mother and have a SAFE LOVING childhood, that I was denied, if that makes sense to either of you?

I don't even think I am a normal sissy. It's more that my dad was brutal, extremely violent and unstable. So it was all part of "toughening me up" to him. Worked to - I was only 14 when I finally turned and beat the sh** out of him when he attacked me very seriously once too often. Even old and sick now, I still take on anyone who tries to attack me in the street, and yes, that means street fights. That is NOT what I am though. I HATE violence and so hate all that "macho" stuff, that I feel comfortable more in private, like I am a small girl. A VERY lonely one, one who desperately needs a mother's love.

So yes, I am very confused...Not that it is an accident either. My parents intentionally did all they could to ensure that I never knew what to do, or what was coming. Which explains my massive insecurities now...

I know I'm weird, but it is not of my own making. I'm worried I might not be accepted here? So many post on here about being made to wear nappies and a dummy for example. In my case it was the other way around. They couldn't get the dummy off me as a child (it was one of the few securities in my life, along with my toy animals!). They were one of the few things that eased the stress as a child. Americans do call them "pacifiers" with good reason!

Nappies were a great secret for me. I was about 8 years old and I had been badly beaten again. Even three days later, it was very painful to sit down. I was playing at my Grandmother's and came across half a pack of Padi-Pads (anyone else in the UK remember them?). I was terrified that I would be caught, as I'd have been beaten all over again, but I "stole" them. I reckoned they were supposed to be mine after all... I put one on and it felt like the nicest things ever to my bottom. The soft cotton wool allowed me to sit down a bit more easily and felt protective of my injuries and bottom in general. That was it, from that age onwards, I would have a nappy or some sort of padding on at every opportunity I could. It made me feel a little safer.

So things that were punishments to others, were actually a kindness for me.

Thank you again for such kind thoughts and accepting words...

Patty
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#5
There's no such thing as a normal sissy, Patty.  Some of us came early to our wonderful life while others needed to be dragged kicking and screaming to it.  Our expression of ourselves as sissies is as infinitely varied and beautiful as the sunrise, and as inevitable.
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#6
Hi Patty,

No worries! I know I speak for Ali as well in that regard. I am so sorry you were hurt and required hospitalization. Hopefully, things are now looking brighter.

You wrote: " I'm worried I might not be accepted here?" Again, no worries. We are all wired differently and we all are accepting. Be at ease, be yourself and enjoy your time here.

Unlike you, I had a wonderful upbringing, one without scars. I wish you had encouraging and positive nurturing as I did.

I live and work male, have a wife and family and have had a great life. And here I am, a little girl at heart (or a boy dreaming about being feminized, I guess). That makes me really happy- it's me.

So if it makes you feel good, be that small girl and share. It's alright! That's why this forum is a community.

It's not easy to let one's barriers down, especially for a girl like you who has been hurt so badly. Try to do so in a safe place like here. I think you will smile.

Feel free to send me a private message as well, either here or email (kim1girl@yahoo.com).

In petticoats and permed curls
Miss Kimmi

(05-12-2017, 03:14 PM)Sissy Renee Wrote: There's no such thing as a normal sissy, Patty.  Some of us came early to our wonderful life while others needed to be dragged kicking and screaming to it.  Our expression of ourselves as sissies is as infinitely varied and beautiful as the sunrise, and as inevitable.

Beautifully and articulately said, young lady!

Miss Kimmi
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#7
(05-12-2017, 03:14 PM)Sissy Renee Wrote: There's no such thing as a normal sissy, Patty.  Some of us came early to our wonderful life while others needed to be dragged kicking and screaming to it.  Our expression of ourselves as sissies is as infinitely varied and beautiful as the sunrise, and as inevitable.
Thank you Renee.  This all still feels so strange and very difficult for me.  I have to be so guarded in my "outside" life.  Sadly I live in an area of Britain that is not very enlightened and not very accepting either.

Thankfully the few women I've told (and it has been VERY few), all seem to be so accepting of me.  I think it's because this was forced onto me as a child when I could not defend myself.  It has left many scars, physically, emotionally and mentally on me that I am even now, still trying to come to terms with everything and to even tolerate myself.  I have low self-esteem I know, but it is a  lot more than that.  I feel I'm trying to be the opposite of my dad, because he was so horrible.

This is one of the most stupid things about myself - I have no problems accepting any of you, but I am seemingly unable to accept myself as still being a young girl.  I know the psychology of it.  I am trapped as part child, because the most horrific of the beatings occurred before I even started school.  It was so bad, that I became "fractured" mentally as well as physically, and so part of me is trapped now.  Forever looking for the comforting and reassurance from my mother, that I was denied when I nearly died from the first beating from my dad.  I'm a girl, because I hate that overly-macho whole thing so much, that I don't feel comfortable with even being a little boy, like I actually was at the time.

You all seem so comfortable with being sissies, ABs, etc.  You are all clearly MUCH more well-adjusted than I am!!!  Do any of you remember when you felt like I do now - Mystified that I AM being accepted here and so unused to it, that you are still wary of letting your guard down and relaxing (yet)...

Thank you so much Sissy Renee!

(05-12-2017, 03:18 PM)Kimmi Wrote: Hi Patty,

No worries! I know I speak for Ali as well in that regard. I am so sorry you were hurt and required hospitalization. Hopefully, things are now looking brighter.

You wrote: " I'm worried I might not be accepted here?"  Again, no worries. We are all wired differently and we all are accepting. Be at ease, be yourself and enjoy your time here.

Unlike you, I had a wonderful upbringing, one without scars.   I wish you had encouraging and positive nurturing as I did.

I live and work male, have a wife and family and have had a great life. And here I am, a little girl at heart (or a boy dreaming about being feminized, I guess).  That makes me really happy- it's me.

So if it makes you feel good, be that small girl and share. It's alright!  That's why this forum is a community.

It's not easy to let one's barriers down, especially for a girl like you who has been hurt so badly. Try to do so in a safe place like here. I think you will smile.

Feel free to send me a private message as well, either here or email (kim1girl@yahoo.com).

In petticoats and permed curls
Miss Kimmi


Hello Miss Kimmi.  You are so kind - This does feel kind of like my last hope of a refuge.  Where I live (sadly) is a VERY bad area.  I would not be tolerated if anyone found out, so it all has to be a huge secret for me.  One I hate keeping and makes me sick so often with the stress of things.

One of the flattering things women say to me without knowing anything, is that they feel they can talk to me "like no other guy".  This flatters and insults me at the same time!  They talk and treat me like one of their gal pals, but still see me as very much a man - And keep asking my advice on things "as a MAN"!  I keep telling them I'm not a very good example of a man, but they don't believe me!

I was married, but my fantastic wife died last year.  I'm more in love with her now than ever.  That is part of why I'm on here.  I'm terribly lonely and I am not handling missing her very well.  So I went looking for a place of refuge somewhere on the internet and here seemed best for me...at least I hope this will work out - I've been on some groups that are very nasty and not for me.

I will send that PM soon, if you are sure?  I'm not sure I'm good company these days...But thank you so much!

Patty
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#8
Hi Patty,

I am so sorry about the loss of your wife. I understand you sadness and loneliness very well.

As far as nastiness, the members here get along very well, without personal attacks being in the program.

By all means write me whenever you want!

Take care, my friend!

In petticoats and permed curls
Miss Kimmi
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#9
Hi Miss Kimmi,

Your kind words mean a lot to me. In the past, all groups I've been on have turned nasty in the end. Usually at someone else,but occasionally I have got caught up in it. I have left them the same day as I have had enough with nastiness. Like there is not enough nastiness in the world already? I am looking for somewhere online where I can relax, not wait for the next flame war to break out. Thankfully the groups were for completely different subjects than this group. They were for people's hobbies and things like that.

So what you say is all VERY encouraging - Thank you!

Patty
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#10
Patty,

I encourage you to read and post in other threads and relax and enjoy.

If "nurturing" is too strong a word to describe folks here, "encouraging" is not.

We all come from different place and perspectives and yet we also appreciate just how much we have in common.

Me- I have been in petticoats but I have never been permed. Except in my dreams!

In petticoats and permed curls
Miss Kimmi
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