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Life with Mommy
#1
I haven't posted here in some time, but I wanted to give an update to my situation living with Mommy.  A little background first.  I have a diagnosed mental illness that I get regular treatment for and as such has forced me into an early retirement.  My Wife/Mommy works full time but is very much in charge.  I can look after myself but I dont make good decisions and I have terrible emotional control.  At times I think I'm being rational and know whats best for me but the reality is anything but, due to my mental illness I dont always know when I'm ill.  My head docs know about my "little" psychology or autonepiophilia, as the docs call it.  They have even recommended to me that I wear diapers 24/7, if that helps me to stay calm and in control of my emotions.  
Before I heard that from my Dr's, Mommy had been telling me that I should do it too.  About 18 months ago I threw out all but 2 pairs of my underwear and returned full time to diapers.  I keep them hidden under my clothes when I am out in public, I take care to be respectful and discreet about it.  I still have issues with my emotional control, but it's gotten a lot better.  I feel a certain peace in my psychology when Im wearing a diaper.
I have been wearing diapers to bed every night for about 2 years now and I can say with all certainty that I am a bed wetter.  Mommy changes me into my night diaper in bed and I always wake up with a heavy and soggy diaper now.  I feel some shame in this, but the reality is I'm very much delighted and so is Mommy. 
In the beginning I would do most of my bowel movements in the potty and only wet my diapers.  About 4-5 months ago Mommy decided I shouldn't use the potty for anything anymore.  She wants me to be her big baby fully.  She tells me that she is "diaper training" me.  I sometimes feel little drips of wetness escape into my diapers and often I release and wet my diapers without much of any before or afterthought but I can still hold my bladder during the day if I really focus on it.  My bowel movements are very regular and always in the morning right after breakfast.  I haven't really tried to hold them in for the last 4 months since I always go at home at the same time, but I'm pretty sure I could hold it just as good as 4 months ago.  I don't know if my bowel control will diminish over time like my bladder control, but Mommy has told me that diapers are my potty now, and I had better get used to that.  I'm allowed to change myself if Mommy is not home, but otherwise she is the only one allowed to.  Furthermore I am not allowed to touch anywhere in my diaper, Mommy owns my baby penis and my baby bum, and I'm only allowed to touch them for cleaning/changing or shaving.  If Mommy catches me breaking her rules I get a spanking.  If I follow all of Mommy's rules I get a very rewarding diaper change at night time Smile
I don't own any underwear anymore except plastic panties, some clear and some baby pattern and 2 pairs of panties that Mommy sometimes puts over my diapers if she wants me to be her sissy baby.  I often wear footed jammie's at home in the morning or just a onesie or diaper shirt.  My collection of baby clothes is starting to outgrow my collection of grown up clothes.
More and more Mommy is in charge of certain aspects of my life and even though a part of me is terrified to lose control, I feel an enormous sense of relief and love at the same time.  I still do plenty of grown up things, and have grown up conversations with Mommy and other grown ups, but all it takes is a quick bum pat or Mommy calling me "Baby" for me to remember my place.  I have such a beautifull and wonderful Mommy who wants me to be her baby and loves me because I'm a baby, that letting her take control in our lives feels natural and lovely.

Thanks for reading and if you have any questions feel free to ask Smile
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#2
Hi I loved your post I am glad you are a happy baby. Sounds perfect to me.??????
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#3
It is a fine life to have I agree. Especially for people like us who seem to have a peculiar psychology (I don't mean my illness but rather our propensity to be babies). The reality of losing control of adult things in my life, in particular my functions and private parts, but also in the clothes I wear, (grown and baby) the food I cook and eat, and other daily life aspects, is mixed. I feel ashamed to admit my status as a baby or emotional toddler. It's medically true that I have the emotional stability of a toddler when I am sick, and I need Mommy to take control. I feel the best emotionally when I let go and let it happen and obey Mommy, but sometimes a part of my ego is stubborn and resists. Like a part of me that doesn't want to admit that I need help and can't manage on my own in any healthy capacity. Mommy reminds me to eat when she is not at home, take my medication, and she brings me out of the house for dates and other things so I don't become a shut in and many other things.
I need love, affection and discipline in order to feel happy and healthy. I need to keep telling myself that it's ok to let go and that I should trust Mommy to help me. Mommy wants to create a physical need for diapers to go along with my emotional need. Mommy says she knows whats best for me and I know she is right, but I can't help but feel some anxiety as I drift further into the rabbit hole of my psychology.
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#4
Grendale, I fing your story really touching. You have great self-awareness and a Mummy who clearly loves you. It's perfectly understandable to feel a little ashamed and humiliated at being back in nappies - and using them - but at the same find the experience a release, and ultimately calming. I realise you have some mental health issues but I hope you don't mind me saying that you are fortunate to have such a Lady in your life to help you deal with the illness.
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