(Editor's note: This is adult content and real)
Mistress Emma has told me to keep a daily diary and at the end of each month, produce a summary. This is my first one...
May was very eventful. One thing that happened was that I was instructed to write a letter to the editor of "Petticoat Discipline Quarterly", describing my role as a sissy slut and how I ended up being dominated by my Mother as well as my Mistress. The letter was well received and the editor, Auntie Helga, wrote back inviting me to send further accounts of my training. Apparently Mummy has also exchanged emails with Auntie Helga concerning the question of how my life might develop in future. It makes me rather nervous to know that these matters are being discussed with such an expert in sissy domination, whereas I have absolutely no say in what happens to me.
My daily life is divided between web-based paid work and my domestic duties. Mostly I'm either dressed in frills or naked, but always in my chastity cage, high heels and makeup. A lot of the time Mistress likes me plugged as well, she says it's to remind me that I'm owned inside and out, and that's just how it feels. I have a selection of plugs, some with tails. The one I dread having to wear is a steel one that expands and locks so it can't come out, but I only have to wear it for very serious punishments, in which a chain is locked to it and then to the wall. Being literally tethered by my bottom like that is awful, particularly if I'm bent over with my hands on the floor. Fortunately this month I haven't done anything to deserve that.
My life is good if I am good. I've grown to enjoy wearing dresses, feeling pretty and doing things to please Mistress Emma. She's kind and loving towards me. Before we were a couple we were best friends and that's basically still the case except that now she's in charge and makes all the decisions. Of course at times she can be very strict but somehow I need that: it's hard to explain but if I go too long without punishment I start feeling anxious and actually start doing little things to provoke Mistress! Then she smiles knowingly and says something like "well it seems my little sissy-slut needs correction" - my tummy starts to get jittery then, because it's scary as well as exciting; I've started something, but don't know how far she'll go.
Anyway, back to a typical day. It really all depends on whether or not Mistress is working. She's a nurse, so it might be an early or a late shift. I prefer early shifts because she'll get up at six and let me out of my cot straight away. If she's on a late shift or a day off she might have a lie in, but I am strapped down at night so I'll wake up early anyway, wanting to pee and just have to lie there helpless until Mistress chooses to appear, trying not to wet myself. Unless I'm catheterised of course, but then the tube goes into my mouth and that's not nice either. Luckily I'm not catheterised too often.
The other reason I like Mistress to be on early shifts is that she gets home mid afternoon. I will have done my paid work and most of my chores (laundry, cleaning etc) so I can greet her with a drink and snack, then maybe after her shower give her a foot massage and if she's in the mood I'll be allowed to please her with my tongue.
Following this I will make and serve dinner. Mistress eats first of course, while I kneel at her feet; then I have mine in the kitchen and clear everything away. That leaves the evening free, and generally it's the most "normal" part of the day because we just talk, watch TV and cuddle. If I'm VERY lucky, Mistress might even unlock my chastity cage and stroke me a bit... but obviously my hands will be tied and I have to warn her if I get too turned on so she doesn't make me squirt. There are even some nights when Mistress lets me sleep in her bed with her. I give her "tongue service", then have my hands unfastened from behind my back and strapped to a neck collar, which is more comfortable. This month I was only allowed into her bed three times, because of my behaviour.
Late shift days are not as good because Mistress doesn't come home until almost ten o'clock so we don't spend much time together. I just try to get as much done as possible around the house so there's less to do when she's back on earlies or has time off.
Once a week I go to Mummy's house to clean. Going out is the only time I wear boy clothes, but at Mummy's I have a French Maid costume I change into, with very high heeled shoes. She likes me to do my work hobbled, with an ankle chain and a ribbon tied round my legs just above my knees. It makes it harder to do my chores but it amuses Mummy to watch me struggling. She also prefers to take my chastity cage off, and has a wooden ruler she uses to smack my penis - not as a punishment, just for fun. Fun for Mummy I mean, not for me because it makes me really sore.
I did a very stupid thing this month that led to me being punished: I wrote to Miss Helga without permission. I did it because I knew she had been discussing something with Mummy and wanted to know what. I realised Miss Helga wouldn't say, but I suppose I hoped there might be some clues.
When Mistress Emma saw what I'd done she was very cross. She put me in a horrid stress position in the garage, squatting against the wall, and with my sensory deprivation hood on. The garage is full of spiders and insects so I spent the whole time frightened of what might crawl over me - especially after I lost balance and ended up on all fours on the floor. Then after that I was "in disgrace", wearing crocodile clips and having to pee onto my food before eating it. My period of being in disgrace hasn't ended yet, I'm still waiting to hear when I can go back to normal.
The other main event this month was getting a tattoo. Mummy was visiting one day and I could sense something unusual was going to happen - but it was still a huge shock when the bell rang and instead of telling me to hide, Mistress ordered me to answer the door. I was wearing a very short maid outfit at the time and no panties so I opened the door doing my best not to expose my body, but even showing my face was bad because of my makeup, wig and dummy.
The visitor was a very pretty young woman who seemed amused but not surprised by how I looked. She turned out to be a tattoo artist called Chlöe. Once inside she took off her coat and under it she was just wearing a short t shirt, red panties, fishnet tights and boots. Obviously she must have had my situation explained to her and dressed accordingly. While Mistress showed her through to the sitting room Mummy told me I was getting a "surprise present": two little letter M's tattooed on the end of my penis as a permanent sign of being owned by two women!
I had to sit on a chair with my legs open. Mummy was on one side, Mistress on the other, holding my hands and keeping my knees apart. Chlöe crouched down in front of me with her tattoo machine and told me to be a "brave little sissy"... but of course I couldn't help squealing, it hurt so much, and all three ladies were giggling and cooing at the silly sounds I made.
When she was done, Chlöe said it was one of the most unusual jobs she'd ever done but also the most enjoyable. Mistress put my cockleash on and Mummy took photos of it. The lettering is very clear and neat, and despite how painful it was to have done I like it, because as Mummy said it symbolises their control over me and I'm so lucky to be their sissy slut.
It was a strange feeling to be revealed to Chlöe, an outsider, in my true nature. I hope she visits us again. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if we could be open about our lifestyle; I think I'd like it if Mistress and Mummy could take me out for walks on my leash and show me off as their pet. It would be humiliating, of course, but to be honest I now find humiliation exciting: Mistress and Mummy have seen to that, and I am grateful. They understand what I truly am, and give me what I need.
Mummy is going away soon to visit some female friends and says she may tell them about how I've become a sissy. These friends knew me when I was little, so the idea of them finding out about my situation is very embarrassing, even more than being introduced to Chloe. It's so confusing: part of me wants to be exposed as a sissy and part of me doesn't. One night this month I had a dream where I was back at school. All the other pupils were girls and all the teachers were women. All the girls spoke and acted towards me like I was a toddler or something, I suppose because of my being dressed like a five year old girl, had a dummy in my mouth and the sleeves of my dress were sewn to my sides so I couldn't do anything for myself. Towards the end of the dream I was in a biology class. The teacher called me to the front, pinned the hem of my skirt up and pulled my panties down, then used me to teach a lesson on the male reproductive organs. She said "of course in this case the testicles are unnecessary and will be cut off", and all the girls laughed. That's when I woke up, with my boy-parts tingling and aching.
Mistress Emma writes:
This was quite a difficult month for Fifi as he was in disgrace much of the time, but I'm pleased he focussed more on the positive things. As he points out, I'm basically a kind and loving Mistress - provided Fifi behaves well.
I'm also pleased by his reference to us starting out as best friends back when we were teenagers. Even then his submissive nature was apparent and I used to enjoy teasing him - my friends referred to him as my "pet", little imagining that was exactly what he'd become. They say a man's best friend is his dog, so I guess a woman's best friend is her sissy slut! Sometimes when my girlfriends complain to me about their male partners I'm so tempted to tell them the secret to happiness and a satisfying sex life is simply to put a boy in a chastity cage, panties and high heels. But I suppose I'm lucky to have found such a perfect victim for my dominant nature.
Of course, having his mother as an ally is a great advantage; before she became involved our lifestyle still felt like a game. Once Julia came on board the whole thing became 100% real. Even if Fifi wanted his freedom there's no way the two of us would allow it. The tattoo we gave him puts a seal on his fate - a physical reminder that he's ours for keeps now.
Mummy Julia writes:
What a fascinating window into my son's mind! Emma has done such a good job of training him, I can barely remember that he was anything other than a sissy. Of course I loved him as a little boy, and having him like this is a natural progression. Fifi mentions how much I like to smack his penis; the reason I do is the look on his face. Something changes in his eyes when I'm doing it and it's as if he's suddenly 12 years old again - probably because that's how old he was when he started to fantasise about me dominating him.
I sometimes try to think what I might have done to make him end up having these tendencies. The only things that spring to mind are that I did sometimes dress him girlishly as a game, and often let him be with me when I was getting dressed up to go out, as well as taking him into store changing rooms when trying on clothes, so perhaps that's when he developed his fixation on stockinged legs. As for punishments, I really wasn't terribly strict. I seldom spanked him, but I did use "ordeal" type punishments like corner time, where he had to keep a coin pressed to the wall with his nose, or putting a small fruit such as a tangerine in his mouth to stop him chattering.
There was one punishment I used that I now know had an effect on him - it was called "bannister treatment". This was making him sit astride the stair bannister, keeping his balance by clutching the wooden ball on the upright post at the bottom of the stairs. At that age he wasn't tall enough to get up there without my help and couldn't get down til I let him. I usually freed him after an hour or so.
The reason I know this affected him was that he told Emma about it during an interrogation. He said the pressure of the bannister between his legs was arousing as well as uncomfortable. More recently she and I reintroduced Bannister Treatment into our disciplinary repertoire, except that now we tie his ankles to the bannister rails behind him - we have to do that because at adult height he'd be easily able to put his weight on his feet. We also tie his hands behind his back, so his boy-parts bear all of his weight.
I suppose when I did that to him as a little boy I wasn't totally unaware of how it might feel, so perhaps even then I had a slightly mean streak, but in my defence it WAS meant to correct his naughtiness.
I think his dream is absolutely charming. I have such a vivid image in my mind of Fifi blushing at the head of the class with panties lowered and skirt raised while the teacher indicates his boy-bits with a wooden pointer. Perhaps Mistress Emma and I should discuss the possibility of having him "done" at some time in the future. As the teacher said in the dream, his little balls aren't really serving any purpose! I don't know how one might go about doing something like that but it's an intriguing idea...
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