Dear Auntie Helga,
Thank you so much for taking the time to correspond with me. I'm sure you have far better and more important things to do than to listen to sissies prattle on. I'm hoping I can "pay you back" in at least a small way by providing a letter or two for PDQ about my journey once I'm farther along. In the meantime, here's an update and some questions.
I've never been so happy that my daughters have school activities and lots of friends. The evenings when they're out have given my wife and I a lot of quality time to talk and we've been doing a lot of talking. Much of it has been my wife asking questions to probe my feelings and my past. She told me that I must be completely honest with her. It hasn't been easy at all times, but I have complied. My wife likes to be thorough in her research before she makes decisions. That trait helps her succeed in her career and she's applying the same principles to our new relationship. I can tell by the questions she's asking that she's been doing some research on her own.
I've thanked her profusely for being so understanding regarding my needs. She's responded positively and said that as we communicate more, both of our needs will be met fully. I've also taken to kissing my wife's feet when I finish massaging them. My wife pats me on the head and says "good boy." It's become like a nightly ritual.
I've admitted to my wife that I see myself as a sissy rather than a man. I could almost see the light bulb turning on in her head. I think that answered a lot of her questions about me. I also admitted under her questioning that I enjoy/crave humiliation, particularly as it relates to me being a sissy. We believe my need for humiliation stems from my young mind sexualizing the many small humiliations my mother put me through when I was under her thumb. Does that make sense? My wife asked me if I was interested in any sort of sissy clothing? I told her that with our daughters home I couldn't do anything very wild. She agreed but still pressed me. I told her what I most want to wear are pantyhose, which I already wear and everyone in the house knows I wear them. I told her I also find rumba panties attractive although I've never had a pair to try.
Our relationship is already changing. After a couple weeks of talking and questioning, my wife told me that she was glad I had finally decided to "sissy-up" (she actually used that phrase instead of man-up) and express my feelings. She said she was a little hurt that I didn't feel I could express my desires earlier but she understood my fears and knew it had much to do with the fear of losing her. She told me that she valued me as a life partner, loved me dearly, and had no intention of leaving me. However, my reluctance to be more of a man in our marriage had forced her to assume leadership and responsibilities. She said she should have recognized what was going on when I so readily fell into taking over the housework. She told me that if we are going to make changes to our relationship, the changes will be permanent (no going back and forth one day to the next) and this was not be an a la carte selection for me. Her tone left me feeling a bit frightened and I wondered what I had unleashed. I think it shows that honesty and openness should always be paramount in a relationship. I apologized for her past frustrations and agreed to her terms. You understand, she insisted, that you are ceding your rights and giving over complete leadership of this family to me and that you will now obey me? I felt a bit of trepidation but also giddy that the FLR I had been dreaming of was finally coming to be. I agreed.
My wife has delivered on some of her promises and I've tried my best to follow. First, she no longer asks me to do things. She tells me and there's a new hardness in her tone which suggests I should carry out the instructions immediately. She did both for a while (asking and telling). I guess habits can be hard to break but telling is quickly becoming her new habit when addressing me. I don't know if our daughters have noticed, but she will ask them to do something and then turn and tell me to do some other task. Whenever I show any resistance to an instruction, my wife will use my full name and repeat her instruction. This happened once while we were visiting her family over the holidays. Her mother and sister took notice. It was humiliating and made certain not to give my wife cause to scold me again that day. My wife now drives whenever we go out together. I believe some people have noticed this but no one has said anything to me or her about it.
My wife's family does stockings for everyone on Christmas. This year, along with an orange and a reading light, were two pairs of Leggs Sheer Energy control top pantyhose (one suntan and one black). My sister-in-law noticed and asked if I had the wrong stocking. Conversations stopped. I was speechless. My daughters know I wear pantyhose but we had not made it known to any other family. My wife jumped in and explained my medical need. People nodded, seeming to understand. My wife then added: "And I think he likes them too. I can't get him to take them off." Laughter. I felt myself blushing. My wife smiled at me. The incident would have been over at that point, but my loud-mouth brother-in-law asked if I was going to model them. Again my wife jumped and said I was already wearing some. I felt her hand on my thigh. She squeezed as she told me to remove my slippers. I did so and everyone got a good look at my hose-clad feet and ankles. I couldn't meet anyone's gaze. When we arrived home, I asked my wife why she had done that to me and without any warning. She grabbed me by the upper arm and pulled me into her bedroom, closing the door behind us. "Because, little miss sissy, you wanted me to be more demonstrative of your status, yes? Well, I decided it was time we should be more open about some of your clothing choices. Now everyone knows. It's like pulling off a sticky bandage, just do it quick. You're lucky I didn't just say it's because you're a sissy. And you still haven't thanked me for the pantyhose." I apologized and thanked her for the gifts. She told me not to question her decisions again.
As I've said before, my wife and I sleep separately. She sleeps in the master bedroom while I make do with the futon in the family room. The day after boxing day, my wife drove me and our daughters to a furniture store. On the way, she explained that it was silly for me to make up the futon every night as if I were someone just visiting for the night. She said we needed a more permanent solution for my sleeping arrangements and that she had decided a twin bed in the room my wife and I used for a home office would be perfect. My wife was clearly exercising her role as decision maker. A saleswoman greeted us as we entered. The woman was quite attractive in an elegant above the knee sheath dress, black hose, and heels. I couldn't help ogling her legs.
My wife immediately took control of the conversation and for the rest of our time there, the saleswoman dealt only with my wife. She showed us a selection of twin beds. The woman mentioned the savings of buying two beds on a couple models and then asked my daughters which colors they liked. Before my daughters could answer, my wife told the woman that the bed was for me. It was someone else's turn to be speechless for a change and for a few seconds, the saleswoman stood with her mouth hanging open. She quickly recovered, glanced at me, and then asked my wife if we were looking for a plain model. My wife picked out a model and told me try it out. "Take your shoes off first," she said. My wife had told me to wear my new black pantyhose as they would go better with the dark blue pants I was wearing. I complied and lay back on the bed without my shoes. The saleswoman got a good look at my feet wrapped in black nylon. I noticed the flicker of a smile and raised eyebrows. My daughters and I waited by the door while my wife and the saleswoman took care of the charges and delivery details.
I think my wife is enjoying her new found power and authority. When we last talked, she told me that I seem to be adjusting well. However, she suspects there will come a time when I may need some correction. She's asked me to think about what types of punishment would be most effective. She wants to discuss it and be prepared on a course of action before the time comes. I'm leaning toward being sent to room. Are you surprised at what my wife is doing? What do you think regarding punishments?
Thank you for your time and all your feedback.
Thank you for your letter Sissy Jeremy. I do have more important things to do and so you did exactly that... prattle on. Certainly a letter or two would mitigate this somewhat.
So happy to hear how well things are progressing and kissing her feet is a good thing to do anytime you're in the area. Of course childhood humiliations, even small ones can effect us profoundly as adults and since you were fortunate to have a domineering mother you seem to be seeking the same with your amazing wife. She does seem to understand your needs and is beginning to see the benefits to her to have you under her thumb. Insisting you obey her is a pretty big step in the right direction. The Christmas gifts, the trip to the store all cement her power over you.
Punishment should be included in any FLR since sissies by their very nature make frequent mistakes and require strict correction and by that I mean pain, not being sent to your room, that's for children, a spanking or even a caning is the only proper way to begin a punishment regime in my opinion.