from Daphne

Dear Helga,

Poppy has been acting very grown up this week. I have been very busy both at home in my office and at my workshop. I have three big orders involving wedding dresses, bridesmaid dresses and going away dresses. It is amazing how much I enjoy my work. Poppy has had to be brave because he is seeing more of Jayne, his nanny, than me. Jayne tells me he is very good and is learning to avert his eyes when she is sitting on the couch and he is on the floor with his story book and he can see up her skirt. That is why I think he is acting grown up. Just like a big boy.

Jayne tells me she often forgets her skirts are so short and when she is relaxed she naturally doesn't worry that her legs aren't neatly together. Her friends often come and visit and so Poppy has maybe four pretty girls in front of him and Jayne tells me he is a good boy and stares at his picture book. Poppy loves the attention of Jayne's friends, they tell him how pretty he is and how, in other circumstances, he could be their boyfriend... that is if he didn't need a diaper and he could talk like a man and he had any money or job or car... then they laugh and Poppy cries... awww poor babe.!!!

Before she went to Australia my sister, Rachel, came over for a meal with her new boyfriend, Peter, and my lawyer friend, George. I got Jayne to work on the Saturday so that Poppy wasn't under my feet as I got ready. I wore a lovely short red dress and had some nice heels on. I cooked a lovely pork meat recipe from a TV cook with a home made apple pie for pudding. Just before everyone arrived I went into Poppy's nursery bedroom to see my poppet.

Jayne was sitting in a chair looking at her tablet. "Hey babe. Have you been a good boy for nanny?" "Wes mummy me bin good boy... me done big pooh... and nanny changed me mummy. Mummy, oo look vewy pwetty!" "Why thank you kind sir. I'm so proud of you Poppy.You're mummy's pretty baby. Now go to sleepy byes and don't worry about a thing." "Thanks for staying, Jayne. I do appreciate it. Any problems please interrupt us downstairs." "Okay Daphne, have fun."

The meal went okay, but all night I was thinking of Poppy. George was attentive, but when he tried to kiss me I turned my head and he slobbered on my ear. I hate it when a guy is over eager, they should be able to read the signals a woman gives. The conversation was about business and taxes and politics and the difficulty of hiring decent workers. I think I made George nervous because whenever he said something outrageous or racist or stupid and I disagreed he hurriedly changed his mind in case I was offended. It was pathetic how scared he was to stand up for what he believed.

The two guys complimented us on our look, and it was fun to be lightly flirted with by a man with muscles and power. In other circumstances I could easily fall for George, he is one big, strong, alpha male (I liked his fear of me, it was sweet). Rachel was more into her Dentist friend, but I was pleased when George and Peter finally went home and I could gossip with Rachel about all the things she was up to. She said she was really looking forward to spending time in Australia and I got all the inside gossip on Peter. Apparently he was married before but his wife left him for another woman... and took their three daughters. I left it open with George, I told him to telephone me sometime... but I really don't care if he doesn't.

I looked in on Poppy after they had all gone and he was fast asleep, as was Jayne on the pink couch. I love my life with my poppet, he's so sweet I could eat him all up. I stripped and took off my make up, then I put on a very unsexy New England nightdress in pale pink, got into bed and slept soundly, dreaming of baby socks and mittens, kittens and soft wool cardigans.

One of the questions Rachel asked me concerned Poppy and if he ever needs to be punished. I said, "Well I guess all little boys are naughty sometimes. I'm very fortunate in that Poppy is generally well behaved. It helps that he is so weak and can't speak properly yet. When he's tired he sometimes gets fractious, and he has been known to say No Mummy! when he's been told to do something, but this is very rare. I don't believe in the cane or belt, but I have put him over my knee and smacked him with my hand. He absolutely hates that and so the mere mention of the possibility stops him in his tracks.

I have also used "time out" as a punishment... the naughty step works wonders for a little boy's temper tantrum, or nose touching the wall for 10 minutes works too, but to be honest he very rarely needs it." "But what about when he stares and lusts after one of your girlfriends or reaches out and touches a girl's thigh like he did with me?" "I just say. POPPY!!! you know better than that."

The worst thing he does, which we are working on is that he sometimes wants to join in grown up conversation. It's so annoying as I'm talking with someone and he says something in his baby talk that is quite inappropriate. The other day I was talking to my mum about one of my employees who was always late for work and Poppy said,"I fink oo should give her a warning, mummy. It's not right she's late all the time." I smacked him on the legs for impertinence and talking about a grown up in a disrespectful way. He got the message, but it is very annoying. He knows that grown ups are his betters and he should be respectful, even if they do something wrong.

Today Poppy is in his playpen and I am sitting with Jayne at the kitchen island drinking coffee. We watch him and he makes us smile as talks gibberish baby talk to his favourite dolly, Miss Sparkle. I am so lucky to have Jayne as Poppy's nanny. When I was looking for a nanny I had three essential criteria. They must be used to managing a nursery routine with a real baby, they must be open to the wonderful world of sissy baby boys who are a bit older than them and they must be able to take control of the baby and not be worried by what they see and hear. I saw four candidates who all had something positive to offer but I felt Jayne was the right one because when she met Poppy she was so obviously in control that I had no worries about her coming into our family and being part of our life. It helps that she is so pretty too, and Poppy loves her so much.

I left Jayne with Poppy and went upstairs to the master bedroom to get changed for a business meeting I needed to go to. I dressed in my grey pinstripe skirt suit which comes just above the knee, high heels and nude colour pantyhose. I went downstairs and went to Poppy in his playpen, "mummy has to go to work, Poppy. So be good with nanny and I'll see you later, okay?" "Aww mummsy pwease don't go me want a cuddle." "Sorry babe, Jayne will cuddle you, you can cuddle wuddle all afternoon."

A blissful life, you'll agree.


Thank you for your letter Daphne. Blissful indeed, not all wives can raise a grown baby the way you are, our readers and I admire your stedfast nature and strict adherence to your principals of proper parenting. Keep up the great work and please do send us another delightful update some time soon.


Return to Index
Letter 4