Dear Auntie Helga,
I'm a Swedish 58 year old "man", and I would like to tell You my story! I was brought up by a dominant and controlling Mother, and and an absent father. I was never spanked during my upbringing, but I sometimes wish I had, I feel that would have made life better and easier for me.
I always was very feminine, both in my looks (here I would have liked to paste a photo of me when I was 11 years old, where I look totally femine) and in the way my mind worked. I was always sensitive, emotional, emphatic but also very confused. I felt I didn't belong anywhere, and that no one understood my sensitive side. I started to dress in my Mothers underware at seven years of age, and as I remember it, I was cought and stopped for a long while.
Growing up, I was always popular with the Girls, they thought I was so cute, they did my hair and I found playing with them was a lot different than with the boys' competative games, which I never really enjoyed.
At the age of 14, when the hormones started to kick in, I had again such an urge to dress up, and I did so! This time in my Mothers stockings, garter belt, bra and makeup! I looked soo cute and femine, and that was very exiting to me!
At this time I also started to get interested in Girls, but not Girls my age but rather 40+ Women! They seemed so Motherly, feminine and nurturing! Just what I wanted! I was both afraid and attracted to Women in a strange and complex way. But gradually I drifted in to the role I supposed I ought to have, the "masculine" one. But every Woman could see from a mile away that I was really a femboy! I myself, didn't want to admit this, and tried to be a "man".
I studied to become a therapist, since I was really good at understanding and help people. I also became a protector of all kinds of animals.
I had at this time stopped crossdressing, but at 30 years of age the urge came back again! At this time I was in a relationship with an older Woman who kindly bought Womens clothes and makeup for me. Although She admitted being jelous of my interest, since She felt She couldn't compete with my faschination with crossdressing!
A little later I gave in to my longing to meet mature men! I really wanted and needed their confirmation of my femininity! I met an older man (65+) who became my daddy for a while, and I totally fell in to my femine persona!
I also started to visit Dommes, and the first time was everything I would have hoped for! As soon as I came through Her door, She gave me a really hard slap over my face!
I was totally astonished, and didn't know at all what to do, so She slapped me again... and again... and again.... and than it happened! As a totally natural reflex, I kneeled and kissed Her feet! I have no idea where this reaction came from, but deep inside of me, I knew exactly what I needed to do, and that pleased Her!
Today I'm still a very attractive man, (and again I wish I could show You a photo) fit, petite, cute with clear streaks of a femboy underneath!
The problem for me here in Sweden is that there are not many natural Dommes around! There are soo many more in England f.x!
I have spent quite some time in England from the age of 14. I have studied at university there, and I had a long relationship with en english Woman, who also were very controlling and dominant.
When I'm with a Domme or an assertive Woman, I feel that life become so much more easier for me! I do not have to make the desicions and/or lead. I feel safe and protected and happy!
What is also a problem for me, is that I don't know if what I feel is only a kink that needs to be satisfied now and then, or If I'm ready to have a 24/7 relationship with a natural Domme?
I believe my story is not new to You, and that many other "men" like me feel the same! There are very few, if any, Swedish forums for these things, that's why I felt compelled to write to You! Hope You don't mind?
Feel free to publish this, if You want to!
Thank you for sharing your story Martina and while it may be true that there are not as many dominant women in Sweden as the UK, I have found that that strong confident women can be found most everywhere, even in countries many would assume by their patriarchal nature, none would be, such as India, while the readers know from past letters it happens. I would suggest to you to endeavor to form a positive and honest relationship with an open minded woman and tell her the story I am going to share with my readers.