NOT WHAT I WANTED FOLLOW UP
by Leslie

"Young lady, do you believe in the Golden Rule?" My reply was, "Yes your honor."

"Then you were not going to do anything to this man that you wouldn't want done to you? Well I can give you a small taste of what you wanted to do to her husband. You will report each Saturday and Sunday. Then she will certify your performance to the court each week. I see you even picked out uniforms and shoes that you think a maid should wear. Congratulations, I concur with your taste. You will be a very pretty maid in those outfits, which you will buy, pay for, and wear while you are on duty at her house." and the hammer fell. "It is so ordered."


You won't believe what has happened since my initial account of the desperate situation I ended up in after my so-called blackmail attempt went horribly wrong. I have some follow-up information on my court ordered work release. My five year sentence was terminated after two and a half years thanks to Maloney, the wife of the man I was accused of blackmailing. I now feel bad about all the resentment I had toward her and I do accept that I was not a victim, but the perpetrator. I was also an interloper, but that reflects more on her then boyfriend Matt than it does on me. When I wrote "Not What I Wanted" I was still in denial.

I hope you like irony because I got a big dose of it. I guess rich people can afford to be gracious because she had free labor for two days a week, something of which most people would take full advantage, but she gave it up by recommending to the judge that I had learned my lesson. She apparently gave glowing accounts of my service each week and based on her reports, the judge suspended the last half of my sentence. No probation or anything, I'm off the hook, free and my record has been expunged! Not only am I over my resentment of Maloney, I now have some juicy news about her husband Matt, the jerk that helped land me in jail. Yeah, he fixed my wagon alright, but I might have the last laugh.

In the time I have worked for Maloney, I have overcome my resentment of her "taking my place". I now know it was never my place. It was her place the whole time. She and Matt grew up together and it was always known that they would marry. I was just a fling for him and the only reason we got together was because I used the inside information from my friends who discovered his interest in cross dressing. I guess he figured since he wasn't yet married, that he wasn't cheating on her, but he was. That's why I say our fling reflects worse on him than on me, but I have apologized to Maloney and explained that I didn't know the facts at the time.

I have come to trust Maloney and she trusts me. And, I want to say, her trust is totally justified. My days of trying to get something for nothing are over. Now my goal is to move on and enjoy my life as much as possible. Sadly, my brush with the criminal justice system cost me dearly. The loss of my two former roommates' friendship, my two best friends, was the worst thing and it hurt me to the core. While they were not charged with any crime, they were implicated in my crime and were both fired from good jobs at the high end department store where they first found Matt shopping for lingerie. They both blamed me, even though it was their plan, not mine. I was, however, the one who implemented it and the one who got caught.

Now for the irony, moving on entails working full time as Maloney's maid, but in a much less revealing uniform, getting a nice apartment to live in and being well paid. Yes, I'm a college graduate, so why am I working as a maid? Because I chose a major that was very easy but of no market value what so ever. She offered me a place to live and a full time job that paid more than my other job, so while I'm not the mistress of the estate as I had once hoped, I do get to live there again, enjoy the peace, quiet and beauty of the surroundings and get to enjoy other luxuries when I'm off duty.

It's not a dead end job either, because if things go well, I can reasonably expect to be her personal assistant as the family grows and their staff increases. She has a lot of business interests and will need a talented person to help with details, a job I can do.

Maloney has also bought a yacht. Much better than owning a yacht, is having the use of one that someone else is paying for. Obviously, I don't have the use of it in the sense that I can determine where it is going, but I'm along for the ride and it is quite an adventure in and of itself. As her maid-assistant, I stay in the family quarters, not in the completely separate crew quarters. But, that's another story and for now I have much more juicy news.

Matt is still afraid of me and for good reason. It's because I know so much about him and he feels guilty over the way he responded to my playful attempt to prod him into his French maid outfit. I now know that Maloney has her own sissy maid. She is reaping the benefits of my effort to domesticate him. I figured out that Matt was at least occasionally her sissy maid. I think they had a small fight over hiring me and Maloney clearly won. He didn't want me around and even called me a con artist, which I'm not! She is undoubtedly the boss now.

Maloney would not admit it to me when I first asked and I hadn't seen him in his pretty little French maid outfit. So, how did I know that he was her sissy maid? It's obvious! I had picked out the designs for the outfit and had lined up the seamstress to make the uniforms for him. It turns out Matt was too lazy to find a different dress maker and he clearly liked my choice of a design. I'd bet every time he saw me in my little uniform he wished he was wearing it. So did I!

When I went back to the seamstress a few months ago for my new uniforms, she told me that a well dressed man finally came in with the picture that I had originally brought to her. She said he had a corset, breast forms and everything I had told her to expect, but she refrained from asking if his name was Matt, for fear that it would freak him out. He paid in cash. Who else could it have been? She said that he only bought one satin uniform, not the four she expected.

When I first contacted her, I had told her the uniforms were intended for a man and she was surprised when she ended up making the four uniforms for me instead. I didn't tell her about the legal trouble I had gotten into and Matt's family had enough pull to keep the whole sorted mess out of the local newspaper. The real power of the news media isn't what they report to you, but what they choose not to tell you. The court records were sanitized and sealed as well.

After taking my new job as Maloney's full time maid, I moved into the apartment over their garage. Matt insisted that I not live in the house with them and that was his consolation prize for losing the fight to keep her from hiring me. The apartment is much nicer than the maid's quarters in the house anyhow.

With my new very professional and stylish uniforms, I would no longer need the skimpy French maid outfits that I will forever associate with my court ordered punishment. So in an attempt to draw the truth out of Maloney, I offered to give Matt my uniforms so he could wear them. She was not amused and simply gave me a "you're out of line" look.

Undeterred, I told her I would find out eventually because at the very least, I do the laundry and Matt would be too embarrassed to take his cute little sissy maid dresses to the dry cleaners himself, so unless she does it (she would be just as embarrassed), the job will fall to me. Besides that, I already know about his cross dressing so what's the harm in talking about it? That at least started her thinking about involving me in this activity. I could figuratively see the wheels turning in her head. I then mentioned that I already knew a satin French maid uniform had been made for him and that she really should have a velvet uniform made for him as well for use in winter. Pretending to ignore me, she said nothing, but I could tell she was listening and thinking.

One might think that hiring your husband's ex girlfriend to be in your household would be risky, but Maloney is too smart to do anything foolish. I think it is a sign of just how firm of a hold she has on him. She knows that Matt and I could never reconcile. There's just too much resentment and guilt on each side for that, but we are civil and extremely polite to each other for Maloney's sake. I was never really his girlfriend. We were using each other.

Perhaps I'm a reminder of his failed straying from a relationship that everyone considered preordained. They literally grew up together. Maloney and I have talked openly about his cross-dressing and she told me when they were children, she used to dress him up in her clothes, shoes and everything else. As they got older, he had long hair and they would experiment with makeup etc. and even go out shopping together. They both enjoyed it.

She did let it be known to me that he could never have been fired from the bank, because his family owns half the bank, and her's owns the other half. At that point, I knew just how far out of my depth I was in my play for him and I now resent Matt for cheating on her as much as I resent him for what he did to me. He is truly a jerk, but she seems to see enough redeeming qualities in him that, in her view, it overcomes his tendency to be a jerk. Then again, he probably isn't a jerk to her. I think when she says jump; he jumps, and always has.

She said when they were in high school they even had matching tan lines once from a time at her swimming pool in the sun while they were wearing matching two piece bathing suits. He had to be very careful at school changing for gym class and she teased him about that for years. He was a fool to cheat on her, but ultimately that may have played into her hands giving her more power in the relationship even if she claims not to view their relationship in those terms.

George Burns said "The key to success is sincerity. If you can fake that you've got it made." But, after working for her for almost three years, I think she really is sincere, and is a genuine do-gooder. The old me might have hated her out of jealousy, but I've grown since then. I still don't trust most do-gooders, however, because they often act with incomplete information and usually unintentionally do more harm than good by creating unintended consequences.

She did ask if I would be willing to keep and wear my French maid uniforms on some rare special occasions, and I agreed. I do look good in them after all, and they are very pretty. She sort of confirmed my suspicions by suggesting, with a smile, that she'd make sure when I was asked to do so, I wouldn't be the only person in a skimpy French maid uniform. "After all, if there's not more than one person wearing them, they can't really be called a uniform", she said.

I took that as confirmation of my suspension about Matt - that he would be the other one in a uniform. I took that opportunity to get her commitment that as senior maid, I should be in charge of anyone brought in to assist me. She looked at me and smiled, saying with me having seniority and more experience, it seemed only fair to her. In fact, as she thought about it, she really liked the idea and said something about "just deserts". With that, his goose was cooked! I'd be that sissy maid's boss.

I think Maloney is one of those people who believes that revenge is a dish best served cold. Perhaps "revenge" is the wrong word. That implies feelings of anger and resentment which I don't believe she harbors at all. Instead I think she has a personal sense of justice she imposes if it is within her power. She, with the mind of a banker, might see it as a balancing of accounts.

I surmised that Matt had not yet been punished for his dalliance with me, but I had no doubt, he would be, and having seen what she did with me, I knew he would take his medicine and accept the fact that justice had been dispensed fairly as I have. She does love him, and would do nothing to hurt him. But, I don't doubt that he will be held accountable for his actions. She is a nice person and wouldn't hurt anyone unjustly. I must concede that despite my suspicion of her do-gooder nature, she has been a force for good in my life and probably in his too.

Although I bear most of the blame, Matt has some responsibility for the events that lead to my legal problems and the loss of my two best friends. He egged me on and then callously threw me to the wolves. I was threading on thin ice when I said to Maloney that I still wanted justice. Concepts of justice are innate only to humanity. Cats, dogs and all other animals don't seek justice. They're stoic. They accept what life has dealt them and move on. Perhaps it would be better if we were like that, but I can't help myself. I wanted vengeance, but I'd settle for justice. No, I wasn't going to do anything stupid or hurtful. I didn't want to hurt Matt. A little humiliation for him is all I wanted.

I wanted him to experience at least a tiny bit what it felt like for me. Maloney knew what I wanted and no doubt that was part of Matt's argument against hiring me. She did hire me however, so she might have felt my desire for justice had some merit. She has never admitted that to me, nor would she. She instead reminded me that we should be careful when we seek justice because human justice is flawed by our subjectivity.

Justice does not exist in nature. A Darwinian might call "survival of the fittest" nature's justice, but survival of the fittest is a myth. Things that happen to an individual organism tend to be more random than systematic. The baby turtle eaten by a bird as he crosses a beach is no less fit to survive than the turtle the bird didn't key in on. The tree that grew from a seed randomly dropped near an eroding riverbank or an unstable slope that turned into a landslide was no less fit than the one that grew a few yards away and survived the ravages of erosion.

She said "If you expect justice in this world, you are in for a life of frustration. Admire it when you find it, promote it when you can, but don't expect it. An entire lifetime can be wasted in the quest for justice especially if we take it upon ourselves to define it and if we demand perfection."

Maloney goes to church every Sunday and is a person of faith. In her world view, "God's justice" is perfect because he is all knowing. It doesn't matter if it's called Karma by a Hindu, or Judgment Day by a Christian, because both reflect the belief that justice is inescapable and ultimately dispensed without human intervention. I guess this notion is comforting to those who see injustice inflicted with seemingly impunity all their lives and hope for something better in the hereafter. Personally, I prefer the here and now.

I apologize for this tangent, but I've been thinking about the concept of justice a lot lately. If I saw Matt get even a bit of what he deserves, I might not resent him so much. Isn't that one of the reasons society seeks justice, even with its imperfections? Isn't it a way to stem resentment?

There seems to be one aspect of justice that nobody ever talks about. That's whether you are on the dispensing end or receiving end of justice. God's perfect justice would make this distinction irrelevant because the scales are balanced, but we humans are not perfect, so any human approximation of justice will be imperfect and therefore unequal. In the real world, the one with the upper hand determines and dispenses justice.

The one with the upper hand is usually government, but when that fails justice can also be imposed by individuals. If you are on the receiving end of your individual justice, it's called conscience, but it's the other end of personal justice, the dispensing end, that is problematic. That can devolve into vengeance or vigilante justice.

Our conversations did get me thinking about justice and authority and it was obvious that the only possibility of getting anything even approximating justice imposed on Matt would be have to be accomplished through Maloney. I'm not suggesting that I should be manipulative here. On the contrary, Maloney would see through that in a heartbeat and would fire me. She would rightly consider it an abuse of her trust. I'm just pointing out the reality of the situation.

The day to see sissy maid Matt finally arrived and it was to be a dry run for a luncheon Maloney had planned for the next day. It was odd because she had asked me the week before if I "had faith in her judgment" and if I would trust her to "stick her nose into" my personal affairs.

My first thought was that I have no personal affairs. Yes, how pathetic is that? But, it's true. Then, after that sad realization, I pointed out that her nose had been stuck in my personal affairs for the last three years and it had worked out alright so far, so yes, I trust her. I wanted more information, but she was coy. I couldn't see what this had to do with Matt as a sissy maid.

It turns out that it had been agreed that sissy maid Matt would work at least one weekend a month for the next year as an experiment and after signing the agreement, he found out that Maloney and I had already agreed that I was to be his boss. Boo hoo! If he thinks this will end after a year, he is in for a rude awakening. It will only be downhill for him from here and I doubt if it will remain as only one weekend a month. My heart bleeds!

On Saturday, we were both in our cute little velvet French maid uniforms. So, it seems Maloney took my advice after all and sent him back at least for a second dress. The sissy maid was undoubtedly corseted, in stockings, five inch heels, fully made up and in a nice wig topped with the obligatory French maid's cap that matched mine. She looked good!

As a practice run for the luncheon that was scheduled for Sunday, Maloney did most of the cooking while sissy maid Matt and I set the dining room table for four. I, with my straight edge ruler, supervised the exactitude of the place settings, emphasized the new maid's training and critiqued her performance. It was going to be a full weekend for my new underling who had come to accept that she, when in that guise, was at the bottom of the household pecking order.

In the practice run, shortly before the time guests would have arrived, Maloney turned the kitchen over to us and went in to the dining room to check on things and be seated at the head of the table. When we began serving her, she asked me to stop serving and to sit down to take the place of a guest for the rehearsal so Matt could have a more realistic practice. That way the sissy maid could get more experience serving. She reminded sissy maid Matt that two maids should not be needed to serve just four people, so she wanted to see if Matt was up to the task without my help. He served all four places. One would be leftovers but she wanted the practice run to be as close to the actual event as possible.

Then, after sissy maid Matt had brought the food to the table and served us, he sat down and the three of us ate the lunch Maloney had prepared. She's a good cook! Matt resumed service by clearing the table and serving us desert and coffee. We both critiqued Matt's performance and made corrections. Matt did well enough that Maloney said I wouldn't be needed as a server, but that she wanted me to supervise the sissy maid, and to be there just in case I was needed.

The practice luncheon was a success and after Matt and I cleared the table, and cleaned up the kitchen, she wanted me to have the new maid wax one of the sports cars. Yes, that one! It's the one with the long low hood that I had to bend over to wax while Matt would ogle my ass. Except this time, I was the boss and unlike Matt, I was going to make all the comments I wanted about her satin clad butt and her frilly petticoat and panties. It was the least I could do and we both knew it was the start of payback time. Matt did not complain and took my comments in good spirit. It gave us an opportunity to talk for the first time in three years. Yes, he has avoided me that much, but now he couldn't escape.

Serving other people at a luncheon was not something Matt had anticipated when he signed the agreement to be her sissy maid. While he had gone out in public cross dressed with Maloney when they were in their early teens, he hadn't done so since. Some people knew he was a cross dresser, but it was generally not common knowledge. Even after I was hauled out of the bank in handcuffs, people generally assumed it was from some banking irregularity and the details of my arrest, and his peculiar interests were never made public.

He wanted to do this sissy maid thing in private just for her and even having me involved was way outside of his comfort level. Serving people at the luncheon terrified him, but he saw no way out. He hated the idea but Maloney would not take "no" as an answer. I suspect she told him this was his punishment for cheating on her and perhaps for setting me up.

He was exhausted from spending a full day in a corset and heels on Saturday. The next day, we were once again in the kitchen preparing for the real luncheon. Sissy maid Matt was once again in her pretty little uniform and five inch heels nervously setting up the dining room with my occasional oversight. I told her to smile, stand up straight and walk with more of a wiggle and he did as instructed. I could see he was terrified and I almost felt sorry for him. But, I must admit to a feeling of glee inside!

To my surprise, I had been told to wear my regular uniform that day instead of the matching French maid outfit. My regular uniform is not a cheap maid uniform; rather it is a stylish, high quality well tailored white trimmed black dress with a matching jacket that can replace the apron for a more professional look when needed. Sissy maid Matt was not surprised to see her supervisor in the better uniform and jacket. This meant that she would now be the lone center of attention for the guests.

When the door bell rang, Maloney went with me to greet her guests as I answered the door. Much to my surprise, it was my two former roommates. She had "happened to run into" one of them and struck up a conversation that worked its way around to me as the topic. They knew who she was and in her do-gooder way she had explained the situation painting me in a much better light than they had supposed. She discerned that they missed me, mentioned how much I missed them, and invited them over for lunch to patch things up. It was only then that I learned that the luncheon was for me.

The four of us went into the dining room where sissy maid Matt would serve. "Don't laugh! Promise that you won't laugh?" I said.

"We promise" was the reply.

They laughed! But that was OK. Neither Maloney, nor I laughed, and that was all that mattered to Matt. I was glad they laughed at sissy maid Matt. He deserved it. They wanted to examine the outfit in detail and asked Mallory if that was alright, but she deferred to me. I instructed the sissy maid to turn around showing them her pretty outfit in detail and to tell them all about it and answer any questions they had. They were impressed that I was the sissy maid's supervisor and Matt was humiliated having to serve people while wearing the skimpy uniform.

He now had been given a small taste of what I had to endure each weekend for two and a half years. We might be the only four people to ever see him in his cute little outfit, or not, but his humiliation that afternoon was enough for me to feel that justice was done.

The luncheon was a success and after my two friends left, I hugged Maloney and thanked her for the effort she had gone through. I now have my friends back in my life. I have to admit that she is good at being a do-gooder who sticks her nose in other people's lives. I also thanked sissy maid Matt for a job well done. He admitted that he deserved what he got and admitted that he had over reacted when he had me arrested. He said he immediately felt terrible about it and tried to help by posting bail and trying to get charges dropped but once the police were involved it took on a life of its own and he was helpless to stop it. He said he felt guilty and apologized.

Then I apologized to him for being a gold digger and for trying to exploit his cross dressing. We had both behaved horribly. Thank goodness Maloney believes in the concept of redemption.

When he is the sissy maid, we are literally playing dress up – like children. He enjoys it, and I don't care one way or the other because it's harmless. Sometimes I still wear my matching uniform. With the apologies and with his humiliation, the air has been cleared. I can't say he is forgiven, but I won't humiliate him further. Instead I will be completely professional because when I supervise sissy maid Matt, I am representing Maloney and I will do nothing that would discredit her in his or anyone else's eyes. And that brings me to one more point regarding Matt's status as a jerk.

Matt really is a jerk. He is also a tiny bit paranoid. That's what prompted his overreaction. He knows that being a jerk is in his nature and he actually tries to overcome that tendency in his dealing with other people by resisting his initial impulses and carefully considering his words and action. It usually works and he is generally well thought of and respected. When I see him with Maloney, he is kind, considerate, affectionate and completely at ease. There is no paranoia and his impulse to be a jerk isn't there at all. His trust in her is complete and he is comfortable around her. He's a very lucky to have her. So am I.

The End
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