Dear Auntie Helga,
When I was 25. I was on holiday in the Florida keys when I was camping out in my Volkswagen camper bus with a pop top that it had for another cot. I was at a camp ground and was sitting around a fire. I was playing Frank Zappa at a modest loud volume and I was with some guys that I had met who were also camping there. A group of girls that were camping there too came over to meet us and to check out the CD. They told us that they loved Frank Zappa and wanted to see what was going down. I had a pot with a lid and I told them that I could make popcorn with no kernels unpopped.
One of the girls with the long hair and the goth makeup, black makeup, black gown and black nail varnish with the penetrating eyes with silver eye shadow. Her name Maria, she said that she was from Baltimore and I told her that I was from Baltimore too. We chatted for a while and then said: "I bet you that you couldn't pop the popcorn and leave no unpopped kernal and if you fail you must be my bitch." They said I couldn't so I poured some cooking oil in the pot and heated the oil in the pot over the campfire until a drop of water exploded in the bottom and I poured in the popcorn into the hot oil and covered the lid when the first kernel popped. I shook the pot covered until the pot sounded like Japanese fire crackers on New Years Eve. I waited till the last kernel popped and lifted the full pot from the fire and salted it lightly. "I have a large bowl." said Maria and when I poured the popcorn into the bowl we all looked into the bottom of the empty, there was only one unpopped kernel in the bowl.
"You lose" said the the three girls in unison. Without a word Maria waved her hand toward and then toward their huge tent. I got up and followed her into the tent and inside the tent she kissed me so hard I fell to the floor and kissed me harder on the lips and climbed on me, and pulled my arms around the center pole and hand cuffed my hands over my head. Whose bitch are you now, bitch?" "Maria's bitch" I panted. She pulled my T shirt up over my head and pulled down my levis and ripped my tighty whiteys down and straddled me and had her way with me shouting; "You little bitch!, you can't even pop popcorn"
When she was done with me, she uncuffed me and gave me her phone number on a slip of paper, bit me on the ear and whispered in my ear: Why are you called lipstickgaga? and what is your fantasy. I thought, it couldn't hurt to tell her since we would never see each other again. "Because I love, no crave red lipstick and I like to dress in private as Rageddy Ann, I am afraid to wear my costume in public." "See you in Baltimore so that I can complete what I have started with you, Bitch." One of the girls cried: "Uh Oh. Here comes Maria's Bitch." The guys hooked up with the other girls and Maria took me by the hand and slept with me in my camper bus.
When I got back to Baltimore I called her number and she answered: "Oh yeah your name is Lipstickgaga and you are my lipstick bitch. When are you free?" She didn't didn't ask me anything about the trip. She said: Fine, fine see you this morning, bring your Rageddy Ann costume." When I found her flat in Highland Town, she rang me up and greeted me: She was dressed in a black gown with black lipstick and a silver tiara, black eye liner, black mascara and black eye shadow and all of her nails painted black.
"Hi, wittle baby, how are you?" She talked to me in baby talk: "Does the widddle baby wanna Mommy to dwess her?" She had me out of my clothes which she locked away and she got right into my bag where I had my neatly folded costume didn't put on the fluffy bloomers she put blue dress with white apron with red bows, red and white leggings, black pumps, red yarn wig and white cap and white gloves. "Do babygaga want Mommy to put on her makeup?" She was ready with makeup and made red ball lipstick cheeks; tiny red nose, red lipstick lips and black eye liner pencil eyelashes Here, your cwothes are safewy wocked away in the cupboard. Now you are the baby Rageddy Ann doll. you will wear these tonight.
She had taken my clothes and locked them away in the cupboard. Is Lipstickgaga afwade of Black Queen Maria, because I know what I want and I get it because I take whata I want. Oh babygaga I got a pwesent for you. It's my Rageddy Ann doll from when I was a widdle baby. Take good care of it." She then pulled me onto her bed lying me on my back as she had done in the girls tent. She said not to get makeup on the bed clothes and straddles me and yes she knew what she wanted and took it without hesitation. She walked me out of the bedroom and put my fluffy bloomers. We wemember babygaga, you are my Bitch. Got it"
That night happened to be a birthday party for one of Maria's girlfriends and I told Maria that I did not feel comfortable about being seen by the consuming and narrow minded and conservative public. "Don't worry, bitch, you are my Bitch, remember you are my bitch. Without as much of a peep she waved me into her bedroom and pulled down my bloomers and took off my diaper.
Thank you for your letter Michele. What an auspicious start to a a delightful relationship, finding someone, who like you has a playful personality, your willingness to explore possibilities is admirable.