A brief introduction is in order; Mistress Alison is a good friend and a very knowledgeable and experienced Mistress, she has also been a frequent contributor to PDQ. She is now available to answer questions from both Mistress and sissies alike, assuming a respectful tone of course. These email conversations may well be included at some future date in PDQ though a request for privacy would be respected. Feel free to write her at and please don't waste her valuable time asking "where / how can I find a Mistress?"

Dear Mistress Alison

I am an accomplished cross dresser and was living most time femme when I met my second wife. She was not only accepting of it but insisted on it. It was not long before I was totally under her dominance. When she passed on I accepted that I probably would never meet a woman like her.

However I did meet and fall in love with another woman. When I told her of my cross dressing and submission she said it sounded interesting and she would try it. To her credit she has but she just is not really in to it. Oh she enjoys the foot rubs and receiving of oral sex with no need to reciprocate but that's about it.

I love her and am happy but I just wish she had a little more enthusiasm. For example my late wife kept me in chastity. When I suggested chastity to this wife she just shrugged and said well if that's what you want go ahead.


Dear Jan

I could tell you that you are already extremely fortunate in having had one relationship in which your wife not only accepted your cross dressing but also dominated you and a current relationship in which your partner is accepting of you being the person you are. As you are doubtless aware many are not so lucky. As a regular reader of PDQ you will also be aware that confessing the desire to cross dress and be dominated by one's wife does not always have happy results and at least one distraught wife has written blaming me for her husband's behaviour and accusing me of “encouraging him in his perversion.” I think that petticoat discipline (and other forms of domestic domination) are a bit like pregnancy in that there are huge numbers of girls who are pregnant and desperately wish they weren't and an equally large number who are desperately trying to get pregnant and can't. Similarly most of the letters I get are either from men desperate to escape their fate of being sissified or would be sissymaids desperate to either find a Mistress or turn their partner into one. As I wrote in my reply to Steve in the February issue if someone doesn't find the idea of dominating their partner appealing there is very little to be done about it.

That said, do you know why your partner is lukewarm about dominating you and keeping you in chastity? Have you discussed it and explained all the advantages of her literally having the whip hand in your relationship? Is there some quid pro quo you could offer her? Does she have a fantasy or secret desire you could explore together? The key to any successful human relationship is communication and when it comes to Domme / sub relationships openness and honesty are vital, if she doesn't know exactly what you want from your relationship and why you want it then she won't be able to supply it; and if you don't why she isn't keen to pursue something then you will have no chance of persuading her. You could try buying yourself a device, locking yourself up and handing her the key then wait and see what develops, but that does take some of the frisson and sense of occasion out of it. If you feel it would help for your partner to write me then I'll be happy to try and answer any questions she may have.

I don't wish to end on a pessimistic note, but if all the above fails to change her mind then you will just have to accept it and comfort yourself with the thought that the secret of happiness is to want what you have rather than have what you want. Please let us know what happens.

Yours sincerely

Mistress Alison

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