A brief introduction is in order; Mistress Alison is a good friend and a very knowledgeable and experienced Mistress, she has also been a frequent contributor to PDQ. She is now available to answer questions from both Mistress and sissies alike, assuming a respectful tone of course. These email conversations may well be included at some future date in PDQ though a request for privacy would be respected. Feel free to write her at and please don't waste her valuable time asking "where / how can I find a Mistress?"

Dear Mistress Alison

Shortly before Christmas my girlfriend and I attended a fancy dress tarts and vicars party. Initially I wasn't keen to go and even less so when Tess, my girlfriend, suggested a role reversal with her as the vicar and me as the tart but she was very persuasive and eventually I agreed. She found a very short red leather skirt in a charity shop and a low cut frilly fronted blouse for me to wear. I thought that was going to be it, but she gave me one of her old bras and put two oranges in the cups to give me a bust and found a pair of fishnet tights also. I assumed I would be wearing my normal pants but as I was getting dressed she produced a pair of pale red or dark pink knickers and said I had to wear them or I wouldn't be properly dressed then she gave me a vampish look and said, "besides if you going as a tart you might have to flash your thighs to drum up trade." I was horrified by the very idea but as I pulled them up I found the feel of the soft material rather sensual and became concerned I might even become visibly excited.

Tess then set about making up my face, she used lots of dark red lipstick and red blushers on my cheeks and put dark makeup on my eyelids and also around the eyes themselves. Finally she pulled on a long red wig and brushed it into what she called a coquettish style. The only normal thing I was wearing was my trainers and that was only because Tess couldn't find any shoes to fit me. When I looked in the mirror I thought the overall effect looked more like a pantomime dame than a hooker particularly the wig which wasn't a natural shade but bright fire engine red. Tess told me I looked fine and the only thing I needed to be completely convincing was a handbag full of condoms. At this point I very nearly backed out and refused to go but Tess had gone to a lot of effort and was obviously very keen we should go, so to avoid a row and recriminations I went along with it.

At the party we got lots of attention and comments varied from what a great idea it was to one or two sarcastic remarks about the look suiting me. I felt foolish at first but after a few drinks I began to relax and enjoy myself and one of the things I was enjoying was the feel of the soft knickers around my balls. In short they felt good.

About half way through the evening a another couple turned up; the man was dressed as a conventional vicar but the girl was dressed as a dominatrix with very long boots like the ones Julia Roberts wore in pretty woman and a one piece leather outfit which I think is called a bustier, and she had a riding crop which she swished around in a highly convincing manner. She looked very striking and I found it extremely hard not to stare, particularly as her outfit barely covered her breasts at the top and concealed about the same area as a thong below. She looked a lot more convincing than I did. I was briefly introduced to her, and promptly forget her name, but later on she came up to me and said in a low pitched voice, "Well who's a naughty boy dressing like that," and gave me what I thought was a significant look. Nothing further passed between us and shortly afterwards Tess said we should be going so we had a final drink and left. As we were leaving I looked around to say goodnight to the girl in the outfit but she was nowhere to be seen.

On the way home we had, not really a row but definitely an argument and she accused me of ogling the girl in the outfit, something I denied as convincingly as I could. She finished off by saying, "I suppose you'd like me to go around dressed like that and have everyone staring at me with their tongues hanging out." Naturally I denied this. But the thing is that even as I was saying it, part of me was thinking that maybe I would. Even more worryingly I found that when I was taking off my costume I felt almost reluctant to remove the knickers. I liked the feel of them and the fact that because of the looser fit when I walked my balls swayed about inside and rubbed against them which was quite an erotic sensation. The more I thought about it the more it became impossible to ignore the fact that I had enjoyed wearing female underwear and actually felt like doing it again, and that I found the girl dressed as a dominatrix incredibly sexy.

I did some research on the internet and discovered the two things are very often coexistent, particularly in individuals who are sexually submissive. This eventually led me to your website and to your problem page. I read what you said about many men craving a loving female authority figure in their life and how most suppress it because they have been taught it is wrong and that they should conform to a male stereotype. Before that evening I never had any thoughts about cross dressing or domination and would have described myself as totally normal, but ever since I keep having "what if" thoughts about both. I also keep wondering if it might have been better to tell Tess the truth when she asked me if I would like her to dress like that because the more I think about it the more I realise the true answer is yes. I also read what you said about millions of men feeling like this and how most of them were too ashamed to admit it and this struck a chord, but I also took note of your comments about how for most of them this was just a fantasy and the real thing would too much for them to handle.

Do you think I should say nothing and try to forget about it or try to tell Tess how I'm feeling (basically very confused) and if I do tell her how much do you think I should confess? I would really like your help here because I'm out of my depth.

Yours sincerely

Dear Ian

In your letter you didn't include any details of your age, how long you and your girlfriend have been together or anything about your domestic arrangements, but reading between the lines I'm guessing that you are both relatively young and that you and Tess have not been a couple for long enough for much sexual experimentation to have taken place and my reply is based on those assumptions.

As I have written before most men do have a submissive streak in their psyche and for a great many of them it remains dormant all their lives, some are unaware of it, many more have fantasies but do nothing about them and a few act out those fantasises. For a very small minority it becomes the defining feature of their sexuality. Attending that party dressed in female clothes has revealed to you a side of your personality you never knew existed and I am wondering whether your girlfriend did detect this latent submissiveness and chose your costume in a deliberate attempt to bring it to the fore. Whatever her motivation the genie is out of the bottle and you have discovered you enjoy and are sexually excited by wearing female underwear and similarly the idea of being sexually dominated by a woman is something that you find arousing. What is self evident is that you have yet to find your true sexual identity. The very fact that you use words like confused, confess and out of your depth indicates that you are struggling to decide who you actually are and what you want from your relationship.

It is hardly surprising you enjoy the soft, sensual feel of women's underwear around your private parts. I enjoy wearing soft, silky, feminine things and never wear anything other than satin or silk next to the skin. If this were all I would be tempted to say you have a simple fetish and what you choose to wear under your trousers is nobody's business but your own. But the fact you were turned on by the woman dressed as a dominatrix, you have carefully read through articles in PDQ and are still having "what if" thoughts and feeling guilty about them leads me to conclude that this goes much deeper. The most revealing thing you wrote was "tell Tess the truth when she asked me if I would like her to dress like that because the more I think about it the more I realise the true answer is yes." At the very least what you actually want to do is to explore her dominating you and maybe subjecting you to petticoat discipline. You may not want to admit this, even to yourself, but the very act of writing to me proves it to be true.

What you need to do now is work out just what you want to happen and what sort of relationship you want with your girlfriend, and when you have done that make an objective assessment of how amenable she would be to making that a reality. Those are things only you can do for yourself. Perhaps a good place to start would be you "confessing" to your girlfriend that you enjoyed wearing female underwear because it felt so sensual and would like to do so again. She may react badly and call you all manner of names, to which you can always say it was her idea in the first place, but if she finds the idea so abhorrent you won't mention it again. If this happens you will have to decide if your current relationship is actually the right one for you both. She may laugh at you or not take you seriously, or she may want time to think about it. Don't pressure her for an instant answer, let her take her time. Or she might like the idea and agree to go along with it. If this happens then it will be a watershed in your relationship, the moment when control begins to pass from you to her.

Unless she brings up the subject, in which case tell her the whole unvarnished truth, you will have to decide when to introduce the subject of domination and once again this is something only you can decide. You should, however, be aware of two things; while the majority of men have a submissive side to their nature it is not conversely true that a majority of woman have a dominant side. The fact that she asked you the question about wanting her to dress like a dominatrix, may indicate that she has thoughts in that direction, or it may be just old fashioned jealously. Forget all the feminist nonsense about women dressing to please themselves and the sisterhood; any woman who wears a very short skirt or displays a lot of cleavage is saying, "Look at me boys," in a very loud voice, and when it comes to getting male attention women can be fiercely competitive and deeply resentful of someone else getting the attention they feel is rightfully theirs. So tread carefully and make sure Tess doesn't get the wrong idea, because if she thinks you want her to dress or act in a certain way in order to find her as attractive or desirable as the girl at the party then you will be in deep, deep trouble. Keep that in mind and be prepared for her to tell you she's not interested. If that happens then once again you might want to consider if your relationship is viable in the long term.

The second thing to bear in mind is that, as I've told many others, if she does decide to take control and dominate you then in all probability there will be no going back. She may try it and decide it's not for her or she wants to keep it just at the level of bedroom games, but the vast majority of women who try it get to like it, and like it a lot. Once they've tasted real power it becomes hard to give it up and the thing becomes progressive, like a ratchet. As I've had cause to tell several correspondents be careful what you wish for, because you may get a lot more than you bargained for.

What is most definitely not an option for you is to keep quiet and say nothing because the one thing I can guarantee is that these feelings are not going to go away. However hard you try to forget it you will be unable to do so and the thoughts will grow with time until eventually you will become resentful and resentment is corrosive to any relationship.

I hope you find this helpful and I wish you both good luck for the future.

Do write and tell us how you get on.

Yours sincerely
Mistress Alison

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