Dear Auntie Helga,
It all started with my earliest memory at between 4 and 5 yrs old, of being made to try on my older sisters bodice kilt by my parents and in front of my sister. Initially I seem to remember it as a game but as it included her navy blue school knickers as well I am not so sure. I remember them all laughing at me and calling me a sissy boy.
As a quiet shy boy with a dominant controlling mother, a member of every committee and organization at her Church and my School I was always scolded and warned about any bad behaviour and generally ended up playing with girls most of the time, always fascinated by their school uniforms, frilly party dresses with petticoats and shiny Mary Jane shoes. They often played handstands against the school walls giving the boys full view of their underwear, I was wrongly accused of deliberately looking at them several times and punished for that by the mainly female teachers of the 1960's, little did they know of the accumulative affect on a boy of this feminine control.
Mother was involved in the Brownie organization and I was often taken to their weekly meetings, if there was no one was at home to keep a check on me. How I longed for one of their uniforms, that lovely brown dress and beret, yellow tie and brown socks and to be one of the girls! but was told to make myself scarce and behave, or else! I think at the age of about 9 it was not unusual to get slapped legs and a clip around the ear, always from mother.
One distinct memory is of mother washing down my brother in front of the coal fire on a winters morning and being very jealous when she slipped navy blue knickers up his legs to send him to school, 'waste not want not', there was still plenty of wear in them. My father had made a tawse from a which he used to threaten my older sister with and keep her in check and wave it in my direction occasionally. Mother like most housewives of the time had a "catalogue" or "Club" with one of the major mail order companies that thrived at that time, I was often to be found deeply engrossed in the ladies underwear section, admiring the full pretty panties of the day, getting caught more than once and spanked for being a pervert, little did they know that I wanted to wear the panties and it was probably their fault anyway.
As I entered my teens I developed the habit of "borrowing" my sisters clothes to try on at every available opportunity and mother obligingly used to leave her giant "keep fit" navy blue knickers in the airing cupboard, I was so shy of girls as I became older, because of the threats of any inappropriate behaviour towards them I became quite reclusive still secretly yearning for their pretty underthings.
At secondary school the pubescent girls of the time seemed to zero in on quiet boys to make our lives a misery with teasing and taunting about being sissy and queer, which of course encouraged the alpha male thugs to join in. My only highlight of those years was being taken to Girl Guide camp several times, where my mother was assisting as a leader, once again I wished I was one of the girls with the smart uniform (royal blue blouse, navy skirt, white socks, air hostess type hat or the camp dress ) and all the fun activities to get involved in with all that feminine camaraderie they seemed to have. No such luck, threats of terrible retribution if I even spoke to any of them. Some of them were very nice girls ( I married one of them!) others were just like the horrible ones at school.
I left school and rebelled a little, trying to be more manly but still that lingering fascination with pretty things - I met my wife the former Girl Guide in my twenties and even before we wed I confessed my fascination with lingerie and uniforms, I thought I would be outed and ridiculed but this wonderful lady took me in hand and allowed me to fulfill my desires and use them to keep me in check. I now have a wonderful selection of schoolgirl uniforms to wear when being punished for bad behaviour or not completing set tasks - I have my very own authentic 1970's Girl Guide uniform and flag- an enormous selection of vanity fair fifties style panties and I am allowed to wear nighties to bed.
My mistress has also recently allowed me to buy and wear dresses, a shopping trip is such fun, cringingly embarrassing when she makes remarks in public about fit and style, on one occasion an old lady joined in the chatter about how a per una party dress didn't look as good in my size as the slim ones and left after saying I needed to lose weight, there are "Aunties" everywhere. I have no idea where this sissification will end, probably being looked after in an old folks home by a dominant Matron.
Thank you for your letter Heidi. Being an impressionable boy with these desires to dress like a girl is not that unusual, having the special clothes you wished for right before you must have been extremely frustrating, so it is so very fortunate to have found your amazing wife that not only tolerates your predilections, but shares the pleasure they bring you as well as uses them to her advantage.