from Missy

Dear Auntie Helga,

I enjoyed "PETTICOATED.COM - MY TRIBUTE" by Lesley (and Penelope) (Christmas 2019). I love history because knowing the history of something puts it in a greater context with the rest of the world. As a reader, I want to thank them for contributing so much to the site we all enjoy.

With her comments, I was for the second time motivated to send you a letter. The first time was a story in 2017 from sissy maid Tiffany and Linda (I don't remember the title) about a three month experiment with the sissy maid lifestyle. It lead me to recount our similar but disastrous (for me) experience entitled "A Sissy Maid Washout" published in your December 2018 PDQ.

Lesley suggested that one can't use real petticoat discipline on a cross-dresser because sissies happily cross-dressing for their own enjoyment and pleasure do not meet the definition of discipline, which is a punishment. Although an alternative definition of discipline as a noun can be "a field of study" making petticoat discipline a study of feminine arts, I agree with Lesley's original assessment with one or two exceptions. Pushing one out of his chosen comfort zone can be punishment and too much of a good thing, likewise, can be punishment.

I'm a fan of Roald Dahl. I've read most of his books and will re-watch some movie adaptations of his works like Willy Wonka with Gene Wilder or my favorite; Danny DeVito's 1996 adaptation of "Matilda". In that movie the fat kid who enjoys eating chocolate cake as much as any cross dresser enjoys dressing up in soft pretty clothes, was punished for sneaking a piece of cake. He was forced to eat the entire enormous cake - too much of a good thing.

Like that kid, I too, got much more than I bargained for in my short career as a sissy maid. Believe me, it was punishment. It was intended as punishment and it was perceived by me as such. Since then, I have never voluntarily worn that stupid French maid outfit that now resides in a box in my wife's closet. The one exception so far was when my wife demanded that I wear it in full regalia to serve her and her makeup artist friend on the one year anniversary of her freeing me from the contract. What was I going to do? Refuse? Fat chance!

If one reads Dahl's autobiographies, "Boy" and "Going Solo", one sees that they are fun and a good read, but a real biography of him reveals that he never let facts or details get in the way of a good story. So, it turns out that his autobiographies have just a bit of fiction in them that I would call embellishments. Perhaps sensing my first letter contained a tinge of embellishment or due to its extreme length (9 or 10 pages), it was published in the fiction section, but as long as people enjoyed it, that was OK with me. To me it was an honor that you used it at all. Thankfully my wife does not read PDQ, so neither this letter nor the first one will land me in hot water.

I ended my first letter to you by saying "I have no regrets about my short career as a sissy maid. I think I was a good maid and the love of my life was a good boss and tolerant wife. We both had some fun, but as a lifestyle, it wasn't for us... We both grew from the experience and my trust in her was totally justified... She even took back the dish washing duties but I still do most of the work Missy did including the grocery shopping. Some of it still slips through the cracks and we don't worry about it. Life's too short to worry. It was an experience few men will ever have and that's their loss."

While I stand by that, there were unintended long term consequences. For all you guys out there fantasizing about being a cute sissy maid - look before you leap. I would have been better off if I had never uttered the term "sissy maid" to my wife. I just wanted an experience, not a lifestyle. I made the mistake of asking her for permission since she was the one who would see me and I didn't want to offend her. That was a mistake. Asking permission bestows authority to say no, which she did. That's when I stupidly used the term "sissy maid" which ultimately maneuvered me into something I didn't really want as the only option, a life style choice that she then warned me against just to achieve a short term goal that I had fixated upon. That was stupid!

My sissy maid fantasy died a prolonged and painful death over two months. The beauty of a hobby is that you don't have to be good at it. I wasn't a good cross dresser, nor did I want to be. I am quite happy to sleep in a negligee and wear soft undies. I didn't even own a dress! But having given her the authority to say no, I had by extension given her the authority to set terms for her approval. When she said "I will insist that you do it right. I don't want you to look like a freak." I wasn't paying attention to the details as she spoke. I didn't want to wear heels, makeup and a wig all day, or have to wear a bra all night to support "the girls". I just wanted to wear the parts of the outfit I liked; the lingerie, hose, petticoat, short dress and apron for a while cleaning the house occasionally. A simple request spiraled out of control, or should I say "out of my control". I didn't expect her to require such high standards simply to be a maid in our own house. Who brings in a professional makeup artist for God's sake! In addition to punishing me with "too much of a good thing" I was pushed beyond my comfort level when I had to do the grocery shopping in my regular (not sissy) maid uniform.

To elaborate on Lesley's point, a sissy maid (and other) lifestyle, Petticoat Discipline and an FLR are three separate spheres that can overlap in several different ways. None of them are monolithic. Some here view an FLR as near slavery for the male partner while others view it as a shared burden with both parties taking full advantage if a wife has greater management skills.

During my short sissy maid experience I was never punished for small oversights or errors. Any discomfort was inflicted as part of an overriding theme. She wanted to show me that a woman's life was not as wonderful as cross dressers imagine, wishing to expose me to some of the down sides of femininity as a learning experience. Also, it was to remind me that I had inflicted a burden on her with my insistence that we try this. I had dragged her into territory about which she had repeatedly expressed discomfort. I was being selfish. She was being asked to shoulder the entire burden of leadership, normally shared by us and endure the social isolation this experiment would necessitate. Worse yet, was the loneliness that resulted from this barrier I had placed between us. It was two months we can never get back. The loneliness of this artificial barrier between you and the one you love is the worst part of the entire experience.

There is no doubt in my mind that I deserved what I got. I'm lucky she's a good sport and more or less let it drop after she had made her point, but that brings me to the unintended consequences. After the experiment, she will never again view me the same way. Although I'm no longer in a uniform, she still in many ways regards me as her maid and will ask or even tell me, to go into the kitchen and get her an ice tea or perform some other task that she would have performed for herself before the experiment. I notice it but I don't comment. I just comply. After all, I want most of all to make her happy, but having changed her perception of me, I think took something away from her too. I fear she no longer has the husband she thought she had.

When, after two months, she finally let me off the hook it was too late. Prior to the experiment, I would have been delighted to clean the house as Missy every Tuesday but after two months in heels, wig and makeup, it was over. It was over after three days, but I stuck with it for the full two months only because I didn't want to break my promise to her in that stupid contract. I think she released me from the one year extension clause she had slipped into the contract only because she knew I had reached the breaking point and she was giving me a way to save face. She had made her point and she's been the boss ever since. Signing a contract was a big mistake. Unless you have already had a trial period and are sure that's what you want, DON'T SIGN!

In conclusion, I submit that a cross dresser can suffer petticoat discipline, but we undoubtedly offer fewer options for the one in authority.

All my Best,

Thank you for your letter Missy. Not all sissymaid wannabes make it, even trying can alter a relationship as Missy explained, maybe for the better, maybe not. This is not something to go into lightly, of course I tend to publish examples that illustrate success, but with this letter I wished to show how this fantasy when brought to reality changes everything. Now should you keep this desire secret? In my opinion its worth the risk.

Auntie Helga

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Letter 8